


Almighty (One Shots)

by 13Shadowpixies



Series: Future Rankings [3]
Category: Invader Zim, Invader Zim: Enter The Florpus - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Humor, One Shot Collection, Parental Zim, Protective Zim, Smart Dib, Smart Zim (Invader Zim), Tacos, Time Travel Fix-It, piggies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13Shadowpixies/pseuds/13Shadowpixies
Summary: A bunch of One-Shots featuring time-traveling idiots, both past and present.(Takes place in the past)
Relationships: Blue and G.I.R Unit- "Teal" (Human Ranked: Dib), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Mary and Invader Stell (Human Ranked: Dib), Stell and G.I.R Unit- "Nova" (Human Ranked: Dib), ZaDr- Relationship
Series: Future Rankings [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797739
Kudos: 17





	1. Nightmare Begins (Parody)

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT:: I'm back!!
> 
> Stay tuned for updates!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My last chapter.
> 
> I had this idea stuck in my head for a while. I wanted to do a parody of the Pilot episode with my own cast from Human Ranked: Dib.
> 
> The show took place in Operation Impending Doom 2. I made this one 4 because my fic took place 3,000 years later so 4 sounded about right.
> 
> This one-shot is riddled with Easter Eggs from my other fic! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see last chapters notes.
> 
> I leave next week!

The Announcer Irk cheerfully continued. 

“Now! Wiggle your antennae in salute… because here they are! Your all knowing, all powerful leaders… Almighty Zim and Former-Tallest Purple!!”

There was a giant round, grey structure in the middle of the stage. Standing in a crescent behind it was a row of Irkens.

The latches around it unhooked themselves and the structure split in half with the top half spinning as it rose in the air.

Two orbs flew into the air and shot out red lasers like a light show at a concert.

The crowd cheered.

Two metal legs sprang out to the sides before shooting to the ground, showing a massive holo screen on standby.

A large disc in the bottom half of the top portion separated and started to lower. More red lasers shot out from the rim.

Two Tall Irkens. Normally the Tallers all wore these strange mechanical robes (That Tallest Purple is wearing) that gave them an air of laziness. But… Tallest Zim? He clearly forgone that tradition. He's wearing red and black armor over his chest, a black metal belt over black pants and combat boots. Coming from his belt is probably his compromise on the robe thing as it was a slitted simple skirt to just below the knees with a black stripe on the bottom. Along his plants are several white straps to match around his waist armor and arm bands.

They stood waving as it lowered down to the main stage.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Purple spoke to the crowd.

Zim leaned in close: “See, told you they’d like lasers!”

“Everything's lasers with you! I’m telling you, smoke machines are what the people really- ahh!!” A laser shot his eye and he collapsed to the ground.. The crowd cheered more.

Zim just looked smug before helping him up, then he started waving to the crowd. “See?”

They finally made it to the ground, Zim stepped up with the speech.

“Welcome mighty Irken soldiers!” He grinned at the crowd. “You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Oh yess...” He leaned forward to cackle a little before straightening. “Standing behind us _however…_ ” gesturing to the row of Irkens on stage. “Are the soldiers _we’ve_ chosen for roles in the most crucial parts in OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM 4!!!!” 

At the end of his speech, Zim took a dramatic pose via a step forward, and clenching an open fist in the air as he started laughing. (Think Zims dramatic pose in Florpus when declaring ‘PHASE 2!!’ To Dib)

As he laughed, the screen activated and showed their battle plans with the current known map of the universe.

“You in the audience get to sit and watch.” He spoke mockingly.

“You should’ve tried harder!” Purple shouted.

Zim continued. “These superior ones-”

“Not quite as superior as us of course!” Purple grinned.

“Pfft! Duuh~!” Zim smirked at Purple. “These… less superior than us, but still _quite_ superior soldiers! Will each be assigned an ENEMY PLANET!!” 

Purple walked to the row of soldiers to face them.

“There you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants.”

“All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, vulnerable to our Armada!!!” 

Purple faced the crowd again. “Let the assigning begin!!” 

Silence.

A lone Irk in the back shouted “Wooo!”

After an awkward beat, Purple just continued. “Step forward, Invader Blue.”

Startled, Blue quickly made his way over as two ramps shot out of the disk the two stood on.

“Ah! You’ve seemed to have grown since you’ve last stood before us, soldier!” Purple started, pleased.

“You’ve been assigned to Blorch!” Almighty Zim continued pointing to a screen with a drawing of the poor Invader about to get swarmed. “Home of the slaughtering rat people!” He started rubbing his hands mentally picturing the havoc Blue can do.

Blue gaped. “W-why would you draw that...?” Voice shaking. 

Startled, Zim looked at said picture and then glared at Purple.

“Trust me, I didn’t draw that. It was Red.”

Zim rolled his eyes exasperated at the demoted Ex-Tallest. Purple continued. “However… because of your increased height, we have decided to give you planet Vort: Home of the universe’s most comfortable couch.” A different photo appeared with him snoozing on a MASSIVE couch. Also to spite Red for the drawing.

“Yes!” Blue cheered. Purple held out the data pad with the mission details, which Blue grabbed and happily ran off.

“Next! Invader Mala!” Purple shouted.

The two oohed at her increased height and muscle tone. 

~/~

A small Voot Cruiser was quickly speeding its way to the orbital parking lot of space ships.

“Move it! Move it! Out of the way!” A voice screamed. It literally wedged itself between two ships parked along the planet-wide teleportation ring.

~/~

“And lastly, Invader Skali!” Purple yelled. 

_Oh no!_ Purple can already hear Red’s commentary as Skali comes forward. _Now that’s just sad_ . _Could you get any shorter!?_ Purple’s internal voice mixed with Red's voice internally mocked the poor Invader..

“You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughter rat people.” Purple spoke in a rush. “Thank you.”

The image before came up, but showed Skali instead.

She looked like he wanted to cry.

Meanwhile, a small Irk was shouting at people to get out of her way.

~/~

“Thus concludes the great assignment!” Purple cheered. “Help yourself to some nachos and we’ll see you at the equipment station.”

“Yes, gorge yourselves, you _mooches_!” Zim teased.

“WAIT!!!’

“That voice-?” Zim squinted at the hand waving in the air as an exhausted Irk climbed up on to the stage. “YESS!!!” He cheered.

“It can’t be?!” Purple stood back in horror.

“Stell.” Purple groaned as Zim fist-bumped the air.

“Sorry, I’m late My Tallests! I couldn’t find my invitation.” She saluted. “You’re lucky I made it at all.”

“You weren’t _invited_ at all.” Purple corrected. 

“She wasn’t?” Zim questioned. Purple gave him a very dry deadpan look.

“Weren’t you banished to Foodcourtia?” Purple questioned her. “Shouldn’t you be… frying something?”

“Oh yeah…” Zim mumbled. “I had forgotten about that…”

“Oh, I quit when I found out about this!” Stell smiled.

“You quit being banished?!” Purple spoke in shock.

“Are you really so surprised?” Zim calmly asked Purple. Referring to how he quit as well way back when.

“But you can’t have an invasion without me!” She protested. “I was in Operation Impending Doom 3! Don’t you remember?”

“Ohh yes~” Purple groaned, just remembering it. He glared death at Zim who started rubbing his hands and cackling like a madman. “We remember.”

“I put the fires out.” She declared.

“You made them worse!” Purple glared. Still glaring at Zim.

“Worse?” She started, sharing a smirk with Zim. “Or better?” She smiled smug. 

Zim held out his fist to her to bump. Which she did not looking away from Purple.

Purple looked so done.

“Oh…” He groaned before facing Stell. “Besides… No Invader has ever been so… very small. You’re very small Stell. You’re a tiny thing.”

“Please~!” Zim scoffed. “I was Smaller than her and you know it.”

“Still-!”

“BUT!!” She interrupted. “Invaders blood marches through my veins!! Like SIZZLING TOXIC CUPCAKES!!! The cupcakes command me!! Do not ignore my _veins_!” She pleaded while doing a series of dramatic poses. 

Zim just looked this close to losing it to laughter.

Purple blinked, squinted then just stood tall. “As a… show of gratitude… for your service in the past-” He dug in his belt for something. “Here’s a Taco.” He handed it to Stell.

“But-”

“THANKS FOR COMING EVERYBODY!!!” Purple interrupted. “Good night!!”

“NO!! WAIT!!”

“What?” Purple looked at Stell. “You got your Taco!” 

“My Tallests-!”

“Not the Tallest.” Zim smirked at a joke that has clearly long been beaten to death.

She screamed and scrambled to collect herself.

“Sirs! An opportunity to prove I can truly be an Invader is all I truly ask. Gimme!.” She hugged the crumbling Taco.

“Hold on, I’ve got a plan!” Zim declared to Purple. Facing Stell again, “We see now you are truly deserving!”

Purple slowly faced him. “Zim~.”

“Yes. Yes I am.” She smiled.

“You will be sent to a planet so _mysterious_ no one but myself and Purple has ever even heard of it!”

“Right!” Purple reluctantly began play along. _Here we go again..._ “And those who’ve heard of it, dare not speak its name.”

“What’s its name-?”

“Oh, I dare not speak it!” Really, he wouldn’t.

“Where is it?”

Purple faltered. “Um… uh…” 

Zim simply took out his PAK legs to scale the map without even scratching it. (Purple will forever be jealous of Zim’s upgrades…)

Zim found a note taped way off to the side of the projector. It had a detailed sketch of Earth that caused Zim to pause and stare fondly at it.

Purple sighed in sympathy. Oh yes, he definitely knows where this is going...

“Right there!” Zim declared, pointing to the note then leapt off the projector like a giant spider hunting its prey. Several Irks fell back screaming (why is it so easy to forget that Zim is terrifying?) But Stell stood unmoved as she watched in wonder.

“Ohh! A secret mission.” Stell whispered.Zim gracefully landed on his feet and stood tall before her again.

“Happy now?” Purple asked softly.

“Oh! Yes.” She smirked.

“Invaders, report to the Equipment Hall! Oh and remember!” Then, Zim whispered. “Lasers.” One zapped Purple’s eye again, and he fell to the ground, again.

“The universe is ours for the taking!” Zim cheered. “It’s only a matter of time before all the races of the universe serve the Irken Empire once more!

“I hope they’re serving curly fries again.” Purple mumbled.

~/~

**Earth**

Mary sat on the roof and heard the last bit. “They’re coming…” She then raced inside to tell her family.

~/~

Purple started the introductions. “This is your Standard Issue Information and Retrieval Unit. Also known as a S.I.R. It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge during your mission.”

Zim then lifts the one standing on display before them. “Who wants this one!?” He grinned.

Random Invader- “I do!” Zim chucked it at them. “Ouch! Thank you.”

Purple continued. “Everyone else, line up and take a robot.”

Up near the ceiling, a round metal opening opened and a long curvy pipe sped towards them before stopping and small metals things ziplined down.

Stell cut in line before Mala. “Finally! A robot slave of my own.” Holding her arms up in a Gimme gesture.

Zim smirked as Purple fondly rolled his eyes.

Zim. “We have a top-secret model for you Stell.” Gesturing behind him, a large bin rose from the floor. He dug through it as Purple moved forward to block Zim’s view. “I, myself used this very same style robot during my own invasion back in Operation Impending Doom 2.”

Purple dug through a pocket and found coins, a few paper clips and a pink sphere. He then put it in what would be a Gir Unit’s head. Then he tosses a limp, dead looking, GIR behind him on the ground.

They all stared it.

She squinted. “It looks kind of… Not good.”

Purple- “Yes! Well, that’s what the enemy will think! Get it?” Zim raised a non-existent brow behind him.

Stell oohed in awe. “I see… Very good! It even fooled me!” Clutching her hands before her before going back to attention. “I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology.”

Zim smiled while shaking his head and Purple snickered while her eyes were closed. The other Invaders were both confused and gave her pitying looks.

Suddenly, the GIR Unit lit up its red optics before sitting up and then leaping to stand before Stell.

“GIR. Reporting for duty.”

Zim- “GIR? What’s the ‘G’ stand for?” 

Stell watched his face confused. There’s something about that question...

Gir- “I don’t know.” looking at him, then back at Stell. Optics turning cyan and slouching forward with its tongue sticking out. 

Zim patted its head and faced Stell. “It’s designation is Nova.”

Stell kept staring. Nova then started to bang its fists against its head and began squealing. “WEE! HOO! HOO! HOO!”

Stell looked concerned. “Umm… Is it supposed to be stupid?”

Zim stepped forward and kneeled before her. “They are at first, but they are designed that way. Believe me mine drove me insane quite often.” He then reached out to place a clawed hand on her shoulder. “But there is a reason for that. You see Stell, by making their programing like this, it ups the difficulty of your mission. It will especially be helpful on your destination like how my own Gir Unit was for me.”

“How so, sir?”

Zim leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “Most Invaders here will be done quickly. But as a result of their swift victories, they won’t learn anything. With this Unit, you will learn to try again and again. A new tactic, new strategy. You will be tthinking of very unorthodox solutions to solve simple problems.” He leaned back. 

“It's through befriending these units that I became the Almighty Zim I am today.”

She stared wide eyed as Nova started to dance and flip all over the place with Purple laughing silently in nostalgia.

“Through giving you this mission, I have one thing to say:” He put his other hand on her other shoulder and looked her in the eye with a smile.

.

.

.

“I expect great things from you Stell.”


	2. A/N- Hate Mail???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Review on Fanfiction counterpart

Hi everyone! 

Well, this is a strange chapter (authors note). Why? I have my legit, first ever hate mail! Also, I had no internet for a bit but discovered a work around docs app on my phone(any mostly done chapter now has to be retyped on my phone…)!

For hate mail, check it out:

**_Lisa Ware-Krantz:YOUR STORIES ARE PIGSHIT! GO COMMIT SUICIDE!_ **

**_FIND ME AT:_ **

**_3662 Juniper Hills Drive_ **

**_Rockwall, Texas 75032_ **

**_CALL ME AT:_ **

**_972-771-0893 and 214-437-0250_ **

**_EMAIL ME AT:_ **

**_lwarekrantz at hotmail dot com_ **

**_lisa dot ware hyphen krantz at rockwallisd dot org_ **

**_£_ **

Here I am, coming out of work a half hr ago and I find this in my email, copied and pasted in  _ Almighty _ ,  _ Almighty (one shots) _ and  _ Invader Ranked Gaz. _

Okay…

I'm honestly confused. What do they hope to achieve. I'm more amused than anything. 

For one, it's the same thing word for word in all three. 

Two, I can't imagine anyone putting their actual contact info for something like this. Can you? Definitely fake. But hey, if you guys want to reply, be my guest. I'm curious about if its legit or not. 

Also… wtf is with that last symbol at the end? It doesn't add up with the rest of it. Ok…?

So, yeah. I'm more amused than anything. 

What are your thoughts on this?


	3. The Best X-Mas Ever!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parody of the same episode "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever!"
> 
> How Zim and Dib continued the strange new tradition 6-years later. Almighty Zim taking the initiative to invite the Membranes

**The night before X-Mas at the Membrane house…**

The Membranes plus Mary and Older Dib were startled when their front door was kicked open by Invader Blue, followed by Stell and Invader Zim, and Almighty Zim with his Gir (sitting on Zim's shoulder and waving at them) taking up the rear.

Both Dibs and Mary quickly took battle positions, whipping out various hand-made laser guns from their coats..

Gaz continued her game and the Professor looked up from his experiment curiously.

“Happy Holidays Dib-family!” Zim shouted in glee.

“Zim?!” Mini-Dib yelled annoyed.

“Dib!” Zim waved excitedly to the elder Dib. The Invaders rolled their eyes fondly at their leader. Blue mimed whipping something outside of Dibs view. Stell snickered.

“What are you doing here? Wait…” A slow grin stretched on his face.

“Wh-wh- what?!” Stell asked exasperatedly. “Do you know what the plan is?!”

“ ‘Cause we don’t.” Blue crossed his arms at Zim.

Dib put his weapon away and Mary followed. Future-Dib snickered. “Keeping up the tradition I see?”

“Indeed. I have everything all set up. The rest of your family can join in as well if you’d like.”

Future-Dib stared in awe as what Zim was doing sunk in. “That’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

He stared fascinated as Zim blushed a little.

“Son?”

The future son snickered and casually swung his gun on his shoulder. “Due to one of Zim’s plots back in the day...” He jerked a thumb in Almighty Zim's direction “The plot revolving around pretending to be Santa, he unofficially started a new tradition of Destroying Santa.”

THAT got the professor's attention as a grin formed. Gaz finally looked up curiously.

“Destroying Santa?” He chuckled. “For that alone, I’d like to join in.”

“Indeed.” Almighty Zim grinned.

“Santa?” Invader Zim squinted in confusion. “Who is this… Santa?”

“My old foe…” The professor grinned. Stell and Blue shared a look of confusion. Future-Dib just shook his head fondly.

“So, how do we do this, since that plot hasn’t happened yet?”

Almighty Zim started cackling.

“We take my transporter to the North Pole and then the fight begins…”

“Sweet! Let us get suited up and we can head out.”

The professor did a very cartoony pose before sprinting to his closet upstairs. You could literally hear him digging through his closet.

“C’mon kids, I know you guys are gonna love it!” He looked to Gaz. “Gaz.”

“What?”

“Grab your camera. This is gonna be either one of the best family videos we’ll have in years, or… blackmail material on yours truly.”

The two younger Membranes seem to get what the rest (minus Almighty Zim) aren’t.

Due to the Professors insane work schedule (in some cases having to request a night off a year in advance), family bonding was a rarity. Let alone staying together long enough to make home videos.

Gaz turned off her game (to Mary’s shock) and dug around the living room for a camera before dragging a confused Mary with her in a hunt for some winter clothes.

Mini-Dib looked between them and his future self. “C’mon, let's find something warm to wear.” He looked back. “Do you guys need anything?”

“No thankyou Dib-Stink. I have them covered.” Almighty Zim waved him off with a smile. Touched at his thoughtfulness. He ushered them inside so he could shut the door.

~/~

**Later**

The Irkens and the Membranes were walking the short trek to the Irken Base. The Humans all had their coats, hats, scarves, mittens, ski-pants and boots. But their styles obviously differed...

The Professor was dressed in a fluffy version of his lab coat but with a hood attached with the collar zipped up to cover his mouth. He was describing to Future Dib all the things he incorporated into it.

Min-Dib had a black winter coat with Blue accents with matching ski-pants, with a light blue scarf with green pop culture aliens on it.

Gaz had a purple coat and ski-pants with her coat stretching down a bit like a dress. Her black scarf had white skulls on it.

Mary was the same as Mini-Dibs, but the professor had to quickly alter it with Almighty Zim’s input. Hers was dress-like like Gaz’s. Almighty Zim had a bit of fun with it… Instead of straight lines like normal coat-stitchings, hers looked more patchwork. The inside was lined in a lavender that matched her birthday dress. She loved it, much to the other confusion. Stell and blue got it though, for they just smiled.

Future Dib had a long black coat of the same style as his normal trench coat, black ski-pants with a matching scarf to Mini-Dib. Except this was purposely re-styled with the Irken logo in their place. (Mini-Dib playfully yelled  _ Traitor _ ! He’s slowly coming to terms that Future Zim and Dib were no longer rivals, if Zim’s flirting was anything to go by. His future self was surprisingly obvious to it.)

Gaz gleefully recorded Almighty Zim’s reaction to it, as well as them just talking on their way to Base.

Mary somehow started a snowball fight with Stell along the way. The girls cackling and giggling. On shot to Mini-Dib and he joined in for a three-way fight. Glaring at a cackling Invader Zim, Mini-Dib made a huge snowball before dumping it on Invader Zim’s head. Growling, he vowed revenge. The group taking their fight in various yards, over vehicles, etc. Surprisingly, keeping pace with the adults.

Blue was talking to the Professor about something in the back of the group as they watched the kiddos.

Future Dib was up front with Zim and Gir (still on his shoulder singing ‘ _ We wish you a merry jingly!’ _ On repeat...Before jumping off to join the epic snowball fight…)

Gaz zoomed in to how close the two were standing as they talked. She especially zoomed into Dib’s carefree smile before zooming out as he slung his arm over Almighty Zim's shoulder, causing the taller one to slouch down a little to hear him, and started whispering to him.

With a playful grumble, he lifted Dibs hand and traded it for his own so his back won’t kill him later. Dib simply put his arm around Zim's waist almost unnoticed by Dib himself.

~/~

**Base**

When they neared the base, the Gnomes did something that all but Future-Dib found mildly disturbing. 

They started to sing and dance with the lawn decorations lighting up in tune with it.

_ Bow down! _

_ Bow down! _

_ Before the power of Santa! _

_ Or be crushed! _

_ Be crushed! _

_ By! _

_ His jolly boots of doom! _

Future-Dib cackled. “You didn’t! Oh my-! No, of course you did.”

Almighty Zim simply crossed his arms and grinned. “What? I’m just getting into the X-mas spirit!” He spoke ‘innocently’.

“Now I’m really confused.” Mini-Dib just stared at the lawn's monstrosity.

“Come inside, let's dry up then head out! Santa awaits!”

The Professor and Mini-Dib shared a confused look as Almighty Zim and Future grinned in savage anticipation. 

Once inside, Almighty Zim ordered the Computer to dry them off quickly.

With much groaning and complaining, a large pipe came out of nowhere and shot down over Mary. A rumbling and steam shooting out later, revealed a now dry and toast Mary staring at herself in wonder.

The process repeated for the rest of the Humans and Smaller Irks.

Future Dib looked around at what looked like the Irkens attempt to decorate. Pipes had evergreen branched stapled or glued to them with what looked like ominously glowing round ornaments. Some sort of singing from a radio on the table. Irken music..?

There was a tree in the corner: Roots, dirt and all. Same ominous glowing ornaments with other homemade... decorations? There were clearly other stolen decorations and other trinkets with Irken Handwriting.

Is… is that a taco at the top?

Pure insanity. 

Future Dib loved it!

“Cool!” Mary twirled around, taking it all in.

“Th-thank you!” Stell replied, embarrassed that she saw all this.

“Do I even want to know what's in that bag?” Blue eyed the sack over Almighty Zim's shoulder warily.

Almighty Zim curled a finger to gesture Future Dib to look in the bag.

Future Dib walked over curiously and looked inside.

And promptly snorted before laughing. “No!”

“Oh yes! Might as well go all the way, yes?”

Dib simply put an arm of Zim's shoulder and started laughing into it.

Gently shrugging the Human off, Zim raised a fist. “To battle!” And twirled around to the Base’s elevator.

After a short trek to the teleporter, they finally made it to the North pole as an arena much like before was erected.

Giant terrifying Space-Santa on stage and all.

“Get ready!” Future Dib yelled as everyone started up their weapons.

Gaz hung back in the stands, happily recording.

~/~

When they eventually made it home, Almighty Zim finally pulled aside a confused Stell and Blue, Invader Zim and Gir, and told the others to wait a moment.

The quartet came back grumbling in a strange Platypus costume holding out bowls of shrimp.

The group finally lost it and started laughing and snickering.

Gaz was the only one to notice Almighty Zim and Future Dib standing under the archway to the kitchen. (Almighty Zims longing glances above him weren’t subtle.)

They were standing below a mistletoe.


End file.
